I've always worried about my highly creative and artistic sister. When she graduated from university with a music degree and didn't immediately seek out a full-time job, I thought she was crazy. Instead, she took a couple of part-time gigs and continued to do what she's always done - create.
I never understood it. I mean, how could she not be DOING things? How could she not be worried about getting ahead and contributing to her RRSP as soon as possible?
Since the age of 15, I have always been busy. That summer, I got my first job and worked as many hours as I could. Any free time was devoured by my best friend and we spent as much time as possible consuming - food, music, stuff. Since the age of 15, I've spent very little time creating. After all, I was going to be a stock broker or an international diplomat. I didn't have a craft that needed perfecting or projects that needed cultivating.
Due to some strange circumstances on my career path, I've spent the large part of the last two summers unemployed. In both of those scenarios, the bulk of my time was devoted to finding a job because that's what my path at the time was all about. I had to find the next opportunity. Whatever time wasn't devoted to resume refining and cover letter writing was occupied with trying to stay as busy as possible to avoid becoming horribly depressed at my self-perceived uselessness.
Over the past year and as I gradually come into my own as an artist, I'm starting to see what my sister has always understood. Creativity requires time and space. Honing a craft takes practice. It's difficult to do these things when you're spending your best hours of the day working for someone else instead of yourself.
This summer, I chickened out. Instead of working for me like I had planned, I worked for someone else. Now, as the summer draws to a close, I'm reminded of something my wise sis' told me: "Money is good. But now you're going to have to buy yourself some time."
I wish I had heeded her warning earlier. Even though I've learned the value of creative time that others might see as wasted, I'm still not entirely comfortable or confident enough to carve some of it out for myself. Part of what I value so much about being back in school is that I've basically bought myself some time to explore my talents and creative side. No one can tell me I'm wasting my time because at the end of the road I'll have another fancy piece of paper to show for it. But I'm willing to admit now that my scholarly adventure is a really good disguise for not working while exercising long dormant parts of my brain.
Hopefully I will keep this lesson in mind as the school year approaches. There are already too many events to attend, too many side projects to contribute to, too many groups to be a part of - all ready to fill my time and distract me. This is a serious challenge for a person who is almost compulsive about being busy. So my new back to school affirmation will read like this: It's perfectly legitimate to spend all day on the couch reading; an afternoon writing in your journal is an acceptable use of time; the stories that pop into your head are no good if you don't give yourself the time to actually write them down.
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