Lonely Boy: How to Make Friends in College

One of the scariest things about deciding to go back to school was the thought that I might end up the oldest person in my classes, have no one to talk to, and have to sit by myself all the time going days without speaking to another human being. Don't even laugh. I was fully prepared to spend 2 years as the cranky old lady sitting at the back of class and by herself in the cafeteria. After all, I'd had my chance to make friends the first time around.

Except that I sucked at making friends during my first degree. I was way younger than everyone else, super shy, and oh so painfully awkward. I was one of only a few people from my graduating class who went to my college and my BFF wasn't one of them. I was 17 so I couldn't drink. I didn't even know where to start when it came to talking to people.

So when I read the posts on the MacEwan Confessions Facebook page about being saddies about not having any friends, lemme tell ya, I can relate.

My worst fears were proved wrong though, because I've been blessed (ugh, that word) with getting to know some pretty awesome people in my program who I gladly call my friends. Here's how I did it:

1. You actually have to talk to people

I know there are a lot of introverts out there. I know it's uncomfortable. But here's the thing, no one wants to be your friend if they don't know anything about you, which means you're actually going to have to talk to people. Even if it's just about the weather. Do you sit next to the same person in class every day? Say hi! Introduce yourself. If they turn out to be a boner, sit somewhere else and say hi to someone new. You'll be hard pressed to find another situation where you're with like-minded people interested in similar stuff. Mingle.

2. Stick with safe conversation topics

This might seem like a no-brainer, but you would not believe how many people will tell you about their intimate personal details as ice-breakers. Your latest STD is not an ice-breaker. The weather, how much you hate this class, the last movie you saw - those are ice breakers. That weird rash you get sometimes is not.

3. Have a sense of humor

For the love of god, if you can't laugh at yourself, what the eff can you laugh at? Speaking from personal experience, being shy can mean that you're a little self-conscious. Guess what? Everyone's a little self-conscious! A little bit of self-depreciating humor can be a good ice-breaker. Just don't go overboard. And see point #2.

4.  Don't wait for an invitation

I often hear a lot of complaints and confessions about being lonely and not being invited to stuff. Solution: invite yo'self! Don't wait for someone to ask if you want to go to that party. Ask if you can come! It might sound really dorky and sounds legitimately terrifying but once you do it a couple of times, you'll be horning in on all kinds of good times. In all seriousness though, this actually works if you do it with tact and grace. Make your introductions, get to know some people and weasel your way into their circle of friends. If you have a small group of people who are in a couple of your classes, host your own damn party. If all else fails, bring cookies. Everyone loves the person who brings cookies to class.

5. Keep trying

Let's face it. Some people are douchebags. They'll give you wicked side-eye or blow you off. Don't worry about it. You don't want to be friends with those people. You want to be friends with the people who find it adorable that you're awkwardly trying to be their friend. You want to be friends with people who are cool enough to know they can never have too many friends. So don't give up. The whole thing is a process and doesn't happen instantly. That's why you have four years.

Story-time

For a little bit of motivation, I'll tell you about how I met my friend B. This story could have gone very sideways for a number of reasons, but fate somehow intervened and now we're friends. I met B in one of the first classes I attended as a mature student. She was the amazingly well put together girl with flowing blond hair that everyone (probably just me) thinks will be a huge bitch. At least that's what I thought. Over the course of our class together, I slowly discovered that B. actually had a wicked sense of humour and was probably one of the most hilariously vulgar and nicest people I'd ever met. It took me all term to learn this (see #5).

In my second semester, I walked into a new class and saw B. sitting in the front row. I sat in the row behind her. I have no idea what possessed me to say what I said next. This could have ended so badly, but I felt like I knew enough about this girl that she wouldn't take it the wrong way. So I leaned over my desk and whispered loudly, "Fucking keener." (Do not do this. See #2 but also #3.) B. whipped her head around and when she saw who'd said it, started laughing, explained that she'd forgotten her glasses, and moved back to sit with me. We've been exchanging snacks and toilet humour ever since.

The moral of the story is DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS! And for god's sake try. If you try and don't succeed and are that super desperate for someone to talk to, come find me. I'll be your friend. I'm the girl sitting alone in the cafeteria because she's old and doesn't give two shits anymore. (Or I'll be sitting next to B. drinking tea and loudly laughing at fart jokes.)